Your Protector
by Verdot
Summary: Edea had lived because two good knights had decided to protect her.


She realized it had become about vengeance, but she knew not who was being revenged upon anymore.

_ooo_

Possession wasn't a perfect blending. It was an itch on her skin, and a voice not her own in her throat. At times she was a witness, at times she felt as if she were floating in a void. Edea had not spent enough time honing control over her powers and had drifted aimlessly, and at times Ultimecia almost instructed her, as if to say _this is what it feels like to wield and not be wielded._

She wanted to argue, wanted to make her understand about _choice_ but she was starting to fear that she had no argument. She was starting to fear that maybe there was some truth to all her nihilism. She was starting to fear.

Especially now, since he'd _promised_ to kill her, to stop her, and all she had was a boy that didn't remember her. A boy that would be very angry with her when he did, because she had never been a good mother to him.

_You shouldn't play favorites._

"My knight, come to me."

Ultimecia used the term to control, but Edea was starting to hope that when she called for him that Cid would appear and finally end it. He'd promised. They were in Deling for a couple weeks now, what was taking so long?

"What is it, Lady?"

Edea could not hate any of her broken children. But it was never more clear that she had failed than with Seifer; he play-acted at courage and bowed at the shadow of romantic notions. She wanted to know where or why or how it had come to him this way, how he stood at her side and held her hand but never looked at her. She had not loved him enough in right way, and now he stole sorceresses and acted out cardboard fantasies.

"I need you to help dress me, we have to look our best for our glorious moment."

She was starting to fear.

_ooo_

One shot, and Ultimecia's annoyance almost made her hope. But when she saw the child _the wrong child for this_ her heart sank again. Cid had broken his promise and there was no telling what she would do now.

_ooo_

The vanity had always been there, but when she was in such skin baring clothing it was something to hold onto. Something to think about other than failures and broken promises and the cold feeling she got when the boy looked at her and didn't see. Maybe when she was his age she would have found his preening for their collective vanity flattering.

But she'd been loved by a man that had failed her, with quiet ways and the smell of old books. Or maybe it was love itself that had failed them all; the wrong kind, in the wrong ways, at the wrong times.

Edea fell a little closer to the abyss every time that the boy held her hand.

_ooo_

"Why don't you like me as much as you like Squall?"

She took extra care with raw skin on his elbow. Seifer had never taken well to getting hurt, so she had to be patient with him. Edea almost didn't hear the question, so simple and yet so heavy.

"Whatever makes you think that?"

He was always angry about things; knocking over Zell's blocks, pulling Quistis's hair, but he saved the worst for Squall. But the quiet little boy had it, that thing which had warmed her when she had first met Cid. Already, and at such a young age. Potential, and the fights were starting to become more even. Sometimes Squall started them.

"You do."

She knew that she couldn't keep them, with Squall's Potential starting to show, and the strange sorts of sparks that Selphie and Quistis were already displaying. Edea had spent an entire night with Cid on the porch trying to find a way that she wouldn't ruin them.

"I love all of you, Seifer. Every cut and bruise and smile."

In the end, he had been the one to go last.

_ooo_

"Did you see his face? Did you see the fucking look, oh, that was great!"

Seeing Squall again up close had made her ache. But the longer that she shared her body, the less she could feel altogether. Even as an observer she was floating in the void, the voices all seemed so far away. She was losing.

"And the girl?"

"Oh she won't be a problem, probably crying over a broken nail or something."

There was a hint of something, but it was so brief it might as well have not been there at all.

"I should reward my knight for his good service."

The gesture of smoothing his hair was Edea's, and it shocked her how perverse it was when stolen. More and more the actions felt more natural, like her own posture and her own grace. Inflated vanity made her see the grace for what it was, and its affect on men.

_You could have had something very beautiful, something that wouldn't have decayed with middle age._

No.

Edea had always been dark, but Ulimecia was pitch. She tore apart everything she had valued with one well placed phrase or an angling of her hip. Nihilism had no room for family, for heartsick husbands and it especially had no room for Knights.

_You've never felt excitement like this, and you never would have without me._

No.

Seifer had only ever wanted to submit; it was plain by how he looked at her as she bound his wrists. He had found a comfort in hate and she was only fueling the flames.

No, no, no.

How could she not be lost in lust and madness? How could she protect the boy even as her hands exposed him, how could she protect herself as her tongue betrayed him?

_Everything you believe is meaningless._

"No!" It was more of a sob than a whisper, and Edea had never felt strength so much as in that small moment. Strength like the wash of cold water as she swam in the sea where she used to live. But only a moment, for she was only a pawn in madness.

_I will replace you. Your use is almost up._

She felt the tension of doubt in Seifer's muscles. She had begun to hope.

_ooo_

"Selphie go be a damsel."

"I don't _want_ to be a damsel, Seify! It's _my_ turn to be hero!"

"Well fine, Irvine will do it."

"Huh?"

"Matron, no one wants to play the games that _I_ want to!"

"You can't bully people into doing everything you want, Seifer."

_ooo_

Edea had kept herself by cooling the burning embraces into a mother's comfort. She could never be sure if Seifer really understood where the love was, and what form it really took.

"Do you love me Lady?"

Ultimecia laughed. "Is being my knight not good enough for you?"

_Hush child, I won't let the others see you cry. How about you come sit with me?_

"What will happen..."

"Do you not want them to see you, want them to know what you've become?"

_The monsters are gone, I'm here._

"Yes."

If she tried hard enough, the gesture couldn't be perverted. Broken promises didn't sting nearly as much, because she was beginning to understand. Edea was beginning to see that even if she had always been veiled in darkness, that it was a bit much to ask a man to understand. Even her one true Knight.

_You're safe as long as you're with me._

She did love the boy, even if the way she did would shatter his world of illusions.

_ooo_

Ultimecia, you can't destroy the only true thing, the only check to deep magic. You can't twist that without destroying everything. False connections eventually break.

_ooo_

Edea had gotten to the point where she didn't jump anymore when Cid would touch her elbow or stand close to her. He had gotten to the point that the shame didn't color every word. She had to believe that time unhindered would put them back together.

"You're like a headache I can't get rid of."

She knew that Seifer would come eventually. Edea had tried not to ask after him while the children celebrated a premature victory, if only to let Cid have an evening of peace.

"I'm sorry."

"Are you, Matron? Or did _you_ enjoy punishing me for not being him too?"

She had hoped before it was obvious that she and Cid would not have children that she could erase her reticence and Cid's hesitance with a proud boy. She had hoped.

It didn't hurt to hug him the proper way. "You were always my favorite son."

He left the way that all failed knights did; quietly, more like a shadow than a man. Seifer couldn't be thought of as a boy anymore.

_ooo_

Edea had lived because two good knights had decided to protect her.


End file.
